Five years ago today, I gave birth to a perfect and beautiful but stillborn baby boy, Matthew. Matthew. His meager worldly memories fit in a shoe box, so it is his name that I cling to and use to assure myself that this day five years ago was real, that he was real. And while I cannot make sense of losing a child, I can now clearly see what a gift the passage of time truly is in healing a heart. It hurts much less and it hurts much less often. Thanksgiving that year was a day of birth, death, hellos and goodbyes, and at that time I didn’t know if I’d be able to participate in another Thanksgiving and truly be thankful.
But here I sit five years later happier, content and more complete than I've ever been. I spent my day marveling over the two perfect children I have here with me and loving them with every fiber of my being. It took me losing one son, and the hundreds of tests that ensued, to learn that my other two sons had every odd stacked against them when trying to make it into this world. Today I am thankful for Honey, family, friends, health, happiness and home, but more than anything, today I am thankful for my children and for the opportunity to fill their days with smiles, laughter and unconditional love.
We lit up the house this morning, hummed along to Christmas carols, drank from our hot chocolate station, enjoyed watching our favorite characters in the Thanksgiving day parade, dined with Honey’s family, played baseball, football, and ran around the yard in our bare feet while Christmas music played on the porch. A glorious day indeed!
My cup runneth over.