1.30.2013

A Few Gems from the Doctor

I feel like a trip to the doctor with two children is some sort of nefarious parenting test – one where doctors and nurses secretly conspire to see how the unsuspecting and likely harried mom handles her offspring while locked in a germ laden three-by-three cube with nothing but a spinning stool with wheels and a bench from which a fall would be catastrophic.  They probably sit back and watch our every move on surveillance cameras and write notations in cryptic shorthand on their strange little tablet devices as we try to tame our beasts in our nicest possible mean voice.  I really should ask my childhood pediatrician friend KRB about all this…

As for yesterday, the littles’ seemingly innocuous annual trip to the doctor ended with me not knowing whether to laugh or cry.  They were clearly out to rattle and shame me.  Here are a few gems from our visit:

When the nurse tells the boys to strip down to their undies John yells “OH  NOOOOO!” I’m thinking he is just embarrassed for her to see.  But no, he continues “I think I’ve had these same undies on like all week.  Definitely all week and they haven’t even been washed.”  I assure you this is not the case.  I mean, y’all know me.  Well, not really know me, but surely you know me well enough to know that I bathe my children and wash their clothes.  We put on clean undies and clean clothes every.single.day.  I mean, unless it’s PJ day.  But six out of seven days the child has on clean underwear.  Cross my heart.

And it just got better from there.  Like when John claimed he didn’t know his age or grade in school (I duly professed his brilliance as only a mother can) and when the baby danced Gangem style when asked to hop on one leg (I feigned ignorance.) 

Oh… I also loved when Dr H asked the baby about his favorite activity in school – W: centers; DR: which one?; W: legos; DR: what do you build?; W: GUNS!!! (and he proceeds to pretend shoot the doctor)

Much to my surprise and relief, Dr H proclaimed them “normal and healthy based on everything seen today.” (Which leads me to believe he must see some truly bewildering creatures in his day.)

To top it all off, the baby was due for vaccinations.   Is it just me, or do you hate having to hold your child down and look into their eyes as a nurse just out of their line of sight sticks them in the leg with an insane number of shots?!?!  It has always broken my heart and I dread it every year.  This year, the baby screamed out in sheer terror “I WANT MY MOMMY!!!!” and he jerked his head up looking startled to find ME there holding him down.  He asked me countless times after why I hurt him so bad.  Bless his heart. 

Just like that I forgave them for acting like complete dolts and promised the baby anything he wanted for supper.  He chose hot dogs and s’mores roasted on the porch and, once again, all was well with the W family :-).

photo 2 (40)

photo 3 (35)

photo 4 (25)

Next year I’m totally going to rehearse before we go and pay for good honest answers…thank the lord this is a once yearly event.  :-)
xoxo

38 comments:

Anonymous said...

Oh my heavens! Thanks for the giggle to start the day :). Your boys are adorable...I'm sure that's what the doc was thinking, too!

Kellie said...

"Definitely all week and they haven’t even been washed.”....thanks for the morning laugh!! Kids sure know how to make us look good don't they? ;) At least you're done for until next year!

Anonymous said...

LOL! I can so relate with 3 little boys of my own. Love your stories. You are an inspiration!

Lisa Tucker said...

lol...that is so funny. My children are grown now but it reminds me of the time I took my son to the doctor when he was young and the doctor asked him is he was allergic to anything....my child answered....Cocaine!...I quickly said no, no, doctor he means Codeine.....:)

Calypso In The Country said...

I am cracking up over here! Guns! - and he pretends to shoot the doctor! Just priceless! My kids always act up at the doctor too. They always spin around on the stool and open all the drawers. I love hearing your stories...Glad you survived the visit!
-Shelley

Lobster Meets Peach said...

I always hold my breath after a trip to the doctors. I am always fearful that Child Services might visit us the next day due to the tales my children tell;)

Sue said...

Hilarious! Aren't boys grand? {as grandma to 3 I think so!}

M said...

Hilarious! I just took two of my boys to the Dr. recently and completely humiliated myself by LAUGHING nervously when she brought up the signs of puberty to my older son (kind of detailed, hence my giggles). I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm an absolute moron! Remember to send the boys with your hubs, starting around age 11!

Meredith said...

So funny! Your post about last year's doctor trip is one of my favorites! I laugh so hard I cry. Thanks for the laugh today too, Meredith

Bethany said...

I'm always afraid Child Services will visit us too after trips to the doc. And getting vaccinations is always tricky with littles around. I always wish I had a "happy" pill I can take before we go to the doctor's office. But I also wish I had a "happy" pill for trips to the grocery store or anywhere I have to take them by myself!

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the laughs! Your boys are adorable...and I will be laughing about W and his "lego" gun all day!

Betsy

Anonymous said...

I so enjoy you blog. Definitely got a chuckle out of your post! Our family is coming to Atlanta in a few weeks and we plan to go to Lego, W of Coke, Medieval Times, Aquarium, outlet mall in Dawsonville and Serenbe Farms. We are at a loss as to what part of Atlanta we should try to get hotel reservations. We want to be close to these attractions. Can you help me out? Thanks so much! Beth

Aprille said...

I seem to recall another trip to the Doctor for ya'll! Cookie's treasures all loaded in his Pull-ups.
Thanks for the giggle and smile, again!

Stacey said...

THANK YOU for the laugh today. I can totally picture everything you said because I have two boys also. They are 20 and 23 now. :) My boys pretended to be Power Rangers at the doctors office. And when my oldest son refused to lay there for shots they brought in the largest nurse they could find to hold him down. Time flies and you brought back funny memories.

Brooke said...

OK, so I know you wash those kids clothes! The only explanation is W is prepping the boys for these doctor trips (as his own entertainment) the night before :) Maybe next year you can have him take the day off and take them himself while you got to the spa! I think you have earned it. XOXO

Gabi said...

Oh my! Priceless :) So great to get a laugh in today ;)
Have a great day!

Anonymous said...

I have 3 little boys and they are exactly the same way. My oldest told the doctor recently that school is awesome this year (we homeschool)because he's ALWAYS done by 9am. Ughhh, really? That has happen like once...on a Friday...and all he had were tests that day and we had worked extra hard that week to make it happen that way. The doctor just looked at me with one of those -shame on you- looks. I was mortified. -F

Wendy's World said...

That is so great! Thanks for the laugh. I'm going to read that a few more times today. Thanks

Rachel O. said...

Haha that's so funny. Your kids sound too adorable and cute!! But boo for shots :( I had a friend who had to get 2-month shots for her first baby. Her doctor was surprised she didn't bring her husband for "moral support." But she said she'd be fine and that she wouldn't cry. And then the doctor stuck her baby. And then she saw the look on her baby's face. And then she immediately started bawling. Haha. That's going to be me in a few years.

Jennifer @ Belclaire House said...

I mean, I love everything about this post. I'm crying I'm laughing so hard!! Looks like you wrapped up the day on a good note!!

Melissa W. said...

I soo know the "I want my mommy" in complete terror voice! Breaks my heart thinking of those days!

Melissa W. said...

Ps. I was "that mom" who would question every.single.time - does my child REALLY need these vaccines??! Oh yes. I also brought in my "but Jennie Garth? says her son got autism bc of vaccines!" Oh the looks I would get! Lol!

Mrs.K loves pink and green said...

Laughing so hard reading your post.I also have 2 sons,(ages 25 and 20),and our trips to the doctor when they were little were so similiar.Your story brings back so many memories,both good and bad!! Enjoy every second....it will fly by...Have a lovely week...

Ron said...

I laughed out loud and spit out my decaf coffee. I can only imagine. Boys will be boys!!! xo

Gypsy Heart said...

No clean undies! Gangnam style! Oh, they are adorable...and typical little boys. :)

I feel for you though! I always hated, hated that shot exercise too. I just felt horrid and like, "What am I doing to these innocent children?"

Hope there are no additional visits before next year!

xo
Pat

Daffodil Hill said...

Cracked me up! I can TOTALLY relate. Hilarious, especially since I just had to read about it. We know you're a good mama and that your boys wear clean undies:-)

Lisa said...

Hahaha. To this day, I truly believe my name as an asterisk by it to alert them that "this mother is kookie!!"

Vickie said...

Oh My Goodness!! I think the kids try to come up with something crazy to embarrass us!! Mine, now 24 and 18 years old, would act as if they had no idea why they were at the Doctor's Office. Like I would "invent" a sore throat or earache so we could spend the day at the Doctor's Office. They were always scared that they would have to get a shot so they would be "cured" by the time the Doctor came into the room. :)

AndeM1 said...

LOL...I remember those days....luckily my children are too big to hold down...I just bribe them now...preferably before the nurse or doctor enter the room. hang in there...it only gets better!!! Your boys are adorable....

Kathy Olson said...

Oh, that cracked me up! Sounds just like what a little boy would say!

Ashlee said...

This is so funny! They wait and say/do those type things when we especially don't want them to! Blair asked me at the local clinic right in front of the large doctor if he wore "big ol' underwear." And she kept on... Mama, ask him does he wear big ol' underwear. Lovely.

Dotti said...

Please do an add-on to your post and tell everyone about the "vegetables" and what they told the dr that they eat for supper!

Chi T. said...

If only there was a video of all this .. hehehe Awesome kids you got!

Maggie and Sheepie said...

Ha Ha! I was right there with you as I took my littles for their flu mist today. As we drove in the parking garage of the Dr. today, my baby realized where we were going and started the screaming, through two different elevators, down the hall, in the office, and right away escorted to the back waiting room (I think it is usually for sick kids) so (I am assuming) we wouldn't terrify any of the other little souls who happen to be in the office at the same time as us. I think I should start some novenas now to get us through the birthday visit in a few months!
Just because I believe God has a sense of humor, the baby stopped crying after getting the flu mist, played with the toys in the regular waiting room and DIDN'T WANT TO LEAVE!

Anonymous said...

Started my day with a laugh :) I am glad I am not the only one!

Heather

Jordan said...

Ha! My instant thought was... NEW REALITY SHOW! "The Pedi's Office"! Watch as parents freak out with a smile as their kids demolish the examining room! We can co-produce the show! It will be a hit! ;)

palmbeachprep said...

i just bursted out laughing and everyone is sleeping haha! soooooo funny!! thanks for sharing! we all know youre a good mama! (and a funny one at that!) love your blog! Xo

MommytoAJ4 said...

My daughter had her annual exam today, she just turned three. She loudly and proudly proclaimed that she Never brushes her teeth! Um, really? So after every meal is Never huh? I understand your degree of Mommy Mortification.

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